Things I Waste My Time on (so we don't waste $$$)

As a mom of 10 kids, there are lots of things that can waste my time.  If you are a mom, then I'm sure you could help me name some time wasters like facebooking, blogging, reading, napping, bathing...okay so I'm joking (a little).  (BTW-Have you noticed how FBing seems to be the new letter writing & phone calling?  It is PERFECT for moms because you can pick up and drop it again without offending the other parties because they rarely even know when you have come and gone.  FB is the highest form of meaningful, interrupted communication, especially for mom's of preschoolers! LOL!) 

However, truly when I look at the time I spend disengaged with the kids, (and not for relaxing purposes like listed above) a vast majority of the time is spent managing/scheduling the "things" of 10 kids.  "Things" like well child visits, shots, dental check-ups, vision check-ups, ordering medication refills, appointments with therapists and specialist, equipment (wheelchairs, braces, Oxygen, communication device, Brailler & cochlear implant to name a few) repairs and maintenance, violin lessons, basketball practice, home school grading, and bills. 

Of all these many things, medical BILLS take up the most of my time and specifically incorrect bills take LOTS of time to get resolved.  We get about 16 medical bills per month.  Most months at least a quarter of the bills have some type of error.  In some cases the amount in question is less than $100 and other times it is thousands of dollars.  In addition to being a mom, I have had to become a health insurance benefits specialist!  I've learned to question anything that doesn't look right on medical bills because I have found so many errors that if not found would have one-by-one demolished our budget.

So the FIRST thing I waste my time on is auditing EVERY MEDICAL BILL.  Below is a letter that I recently had to write Freeman Health Systems due to an error that would have cost me over $65.  It took me 2 hours on the phone with insurance and the hospital to discovery why the bill was unexpectedly high and it took me 30 minutes to write the letter.  Finding this error essentially saved our family $22/hr for 3 hours.  Typically, errors take more time on the phone and they are more in the range of $125-$200/hr saved....so I know this waste of time is a good investment!  BUT I dislike EVERY minute of it!  It puts me in a bad mood and I start doubting that hospitals/clinics are making this many "honest errors".  BTW-If you have been to Urgent Care at Freeman, like Corrine in my letter below, watch your bill.  It can save you money.

The SECOND thing I waste my time on is COUPONS and reading all the ads for best prices.  I have been tracking my savings and on average I save 30% with coupons.  This adds up!  In an average month, I save $300 with coupons and $75 with ad matches and going to the stores with the best sales.  I spend about 30 hours a month on this, but I figure $12.50/hr and BETTER quality and healthier foods is worth it!  Plus unlike the medical errors, I don't dislike couponing.  In fact, it appeals to the competitive side of me.  It is kind of like a big game of Memory, except I'm matching good sales with good coupons for a GREAT deal of savings!  For example this week's big score was Bear Creek Soup for $3 in the Big Lots Ad so I price matched at Wal-Mart (usually $3.62) and used a $1 off coupon so I made a 1/2 gallon of top quality soup for $2!  Then I got yummy frozen rolls for $1.25 thanks to a coupon and a Dole salad mix for 30 cents at Food 4 Less.

The THIRD thing I waste my time on is BLOGGING,.....we'll cover it some other time after I figure out some good reasons to keep blogging when I could be sleeping!  Goodnight all!

Driving Lesson One

Ready for her first driving lesson

 Our oldest daughter Grace is going to be 16 in April and for the last several months, she has been eligible to get a driver's permit.  Now as 16 is quickly approaching, she is becoming more anxious to learn to drive.  She has taken Driver's Education at our Home School Co-op.  She has studied the state driver's manual, and now it is our turn as parents to do our part.  So after a brief conversation with my hubby, it was decided that it is actually my turn to do my part.  (Don't worry...Daddy will be teaching ALL the boys...maybe even Jon and Nate!)  So you may wonder why Daddy is waiting until later lesson to get involved and why I'm not jumping for joy about the opportunity to teach her.  The answer is that she has rarely driven anything!  Grand-dad taught Grace to drive the riding mower....not straight or to where we didn't close our eyes as she struggled to make each turn, but he taught her to turn the mower on, engage the blade and butcher the yard in a weaving pattern that a drunk would struggle to copy.  After many gallons of gas and several tries to fix her original mowing, we said, "Good enough, I think we will start mowing again."

Now I have never been known for my patience.  Granted my kids have improved (or maybe just stretched) my patience, but I should still be VERY humble about the virtue of patience.  I didn't want to be a mom clinging to the car door, stomping my imaginary brake and yelling directions so I decided the ideal "calm" place to teach Grace would be at the farm.  When I told grandma this, she said, "What if she meets a car?"  My response was, "In the driveway?"  So with guarded expectation of "if I would let her" leave the yard, Grace and I switched seats for her first lesson.

THE SEAT

So the first thing we had to do was to adjust the seat to the best position for her.  I had never considered Grace to be picky about her seating, but apparently when preparing to drive a vehicle, she needs the positioning and support of a NASA astronaut.  (7 minutes including pictures)

THE PARTS OF THE CAR

Next we reviewed where the gas and brake are and I discovered that she had to look at her feet when selecting the needed peddle.  I also discovered that Grace was going to insist that she needed both feet and preferably one on the brake, while one was on the gas.  So we practiced, with ONLY her right foot....gas, brake, brake, brake, gas, brake....notice the peddle that I'm focusing on.  Then I had her turn on the car and we practiced shifting between P-R-N-D and the importance of keeping her foot on the brake.  (10 minutes)


Almost to the church



MOVING

Finally I explained to her, that the Durango will go when she removes her foot from the brake and I suggested she try it without using the gas so she could use the brake to stop and get a feel for the brake...well, Grace had to look at her feet to find the brake and when she located, she applied it with all her might.  I must tell you; I NEVER thought a person traveling at 3MPH could be thrown through a window of a car, but I now know it is probably possible...ALWAYS wear a seat belt, even in the driveway when rolling at 3 MPH.  Lucky for me, Grace caught on to steering turns fairly well with only a few laps around the oak tree and the yard.  Backing up seemed more challenging, but Grace had perseverance on her side....well, that and the fact that Grand-dad attached the porch hand railing to last a lifetime...yeap, can't even tell that she "nudged" it, while I said brake and she looked at her feet. (20 minutes)

ON THE ROAD

Grace was actually catching on very fast, except for looking for the brake and the gas, so I decided that she could drive the dirt road about a mile to where the church used to be beside the cemetery.  This is where I was starting to wish for a hidden camera.  It was becoming obvious that America's Funniest Home Videos would have  received the video and just mailed us the prize money.  The highlights of the 1.7 mile drive to/from the old church were the following:

• Discovering that Grace stops the car to sneeze or cough...or just when she needs a break from the fast pace of driving at 2 to 4 MPH.
• Grace drove so slow that the problematic neighbors were changing the signs along the road from "No Trespassing" to "No Parking".
• The old gravel road has branches that stick out.  I reminded Grace several times to watch out for them.  Finally I just let her hit a small protruding branch to which she declares, "I have to be looking out there too?!" as she motions to my side of the Durango.  (40 minutes)

THE PEDESTRIAN



As we approached the driveway to the farm again.  My Cousin Carl was standing along the road waiting for us.  While we were still 100 yards away or so Grace wanted to know why he was standing so close to the driveway because it made her nervous.  Carl was standing behind a concrete filled metal pole at the mailboxes which are well beyond the driveway.  (Not to say that he wasn't as nervous as her!)  Carl visits with us and has two fabulous offers...1.)  free venison and  2.) to open the gate to let Grace drive in the hayfield.


A zoomed in photo of "Traffic"
at a narrow gate

THE TRAFFIC

Grace and I picked up the venison and got it in the cooler.  Then she headed down the lane to the hayfield.  A long ways ahead of us, Cousin Carl pulls out with his tractor to take hay to the livestock.  Grace declares, "Great traffic!"  I point out that she won't need to pass him because he is going to the same place as us.  She said she could tell that, but it still was more to keep track of while she drove.

JUDGEMENTAL COWS & NARROW 14' GATES

As we get to the hayfield, Grace must go through 2 generous "farm equipment wide" gates.  Grace slowed to several stops as she lined up with each gate.  Grace was thinking outloud when she wondered, "why the gates were so narrow".  Grace did an excellent job getting to the hayfield, but it was obvious that each new element was adding "more to this driving thing" than she had thought.

Once we were though the gates, the cows were gathered to eat and Grace had to drive around them.  She said they were looking at her judgemental-like and here is the kicker...I have to agree!  There were a couple calves who seemed to recognize the potential to be hamburger when in the presence of inexperienced drivers.  I even tried to photograph "The look", but it was getting darker and the field was bumpy with cow patties (and Grace didn't miss a one with my Durango.) (20 minutes)

THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME

I was really dreading Grace's first driving lesson, but she did very well.  She listened, followed directions and made jokes to ease both our tensions.  Don't tell hubby, but I'm really glad that I got to take her on her first driving lesson...and not just becauseit is over and he owes me!  Plus Grace and I used our trip home from the farm to stop and enjoy dinner together at cousin Sheila's Restuarant in Marshfield, which is always a treat!

Grace is a great young lady and she will eventually be a licensed driver so don't follow too close, she might sneeze! Love you Grace!

Why My Kids Don't "Do" Special Olympics...

Grace and Vanessa
Photo by Marie's Cottage Photography
mariescottagephotography@gmail.com

When my oldest Grace returned to public school for one year in 7th grade, I was shocked to find huge, unanalyzed support of Special Olympics.  It was suggested to Grace to run for Student Council and she was excited at the idea. However, we learned that she would be required to fund raise for Special Olympics and to volunteer with the organization.  The volunteering was okay with us since we thought it would be good for her to assess the organization first hand and arrive at some of her own conclusions.  However, we simply could not allow her to fund raise for this organization that we believe is a hindrance to opportunities for inclusive recreation for people with disabilities.  As a result, despite my pleading our case, Grace was not allowed on the ballot for Student Council. 

Special Olympics is like a sacred organization in our country, but many former participants, like myself, have strong feelings that the organization has failed to evolve into an "inclusive, consumer driven" organization.  I know I just rolled out jargon so let me explain.  "Inclusive" means disabled and non-disabled would participate in all levels of the organization and its programs.  For example, programs wouldn't be "for" people with disabilities, but rather "with" people with disabilities or better yet "by" people with disabilities.  "Consumer driven" would encourage persons with disabilities to be involved as coaches, volunteers, organizers and not just program participants.  "Consumer driven" would recognize the diverse talents of each person with a disability, rather than a pat on the head for "bravely trying" a new activity, which may not have even interested the person.

Let me briefly summarize my objections:

1.  When trying to enroll a child with a disability in a community sport, children with disabilities are frequently turned down and referred to the "Special Olympics", even if the sport is not offered by Special Olympics in the area.  The existence of "Special Olympics" often makes local YMCAs and park boards believe that they need "special training to work with special kids".  The situation couldn't be further from the truth.  Kids are kids and each is unique.  Every child just needs an adult that is motivated to learn about abilities and to create opportunities.

2. Kids with disabilities are diverse.  Some kids are good at reading, some at math, some at art or music or caring and listening or helping.  However, the Special Olympics reduces the person with a disability to a single interest for their PR.  Like their athlete's oath says, ""Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt."  The oath makes me gag.  I can guarantee you that most Special Olympians have faced opposition and difficulties a lot tougher than a 50 meter dash!  By the way, The Olympic motto is Citius, Altius, Fortius, a Latin expression meaning "Faster, Higher, Stronger", and the Olympic creed:  "The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."  Now that is MORE like it!


3.  The Special Olympics rarely changes hurtful, exclusionary behaviors in peer groups.  In fact many teen volunteers actually believe that Special Olympians NEED segregated sports because "THEY" "might go off" or "hurt someone" or "be inappropriate" if THEY were included with non-disabled peers.  Just because the peer has a great day helping with the Special Olympics, it doesn't change who THEY sit by at lunch the next day. 

 4.  Smile!  When volunteers list their motivation for being involved, it is almost always for the smiles.  That in and of itself is okay, but it is often presented as though the volunteer doesn't think the participant regularly smiles. 
 
5.  Pity....it is such a pity that the volunteers are not trained to avoid using pity drenched comments and encouragement.  Patting a participant on the head should be grounds for dismissal and don't even get me started on all the inappropriate hugging between volunteers and participants.  In many cases, parents have set physical touch limits concerning strangers for the safety of their youngsters, but Special Olympic volunteers tend to tear down these limits as though they think they are the ONLY people who will hug this youngster.  The hugs are based on the volunteer feeling good and are not respectful of the close relationships (with hugging) that the Special Olympian already has in their life.
 
What needs to change?
 
1.  Persons with disabilities need to be involved at all levels of the organization, not just participants.
 
2.  The Special Olympics needs to be a resource for local community programs and offer them assistance (especially in finding and funding or borrowing modified recreation equipment).  Literature, 1-800 #s, and webinars would be a great start!
 
3.  A new "grown-up" motto PLEASE!!!!
 
4.  True "no pity" training for volunteers and include volunteers with disabilities.  Require debriefing trainings after events to work on changing behaviors to be more inclusionary.  THEY and THEM thinking should be challenged by the experience of volunteering, NOT solidified!
 
5.  Scholarships should be available to help athletes with disabilities train in inclusive environments.
 
Yes, I know this blog has made some people mad, BUT remember these are MY views as a past participant and as a mom who will not allow my children to participate until the Special Olympics catches up to the inclusive, self-directing, self-advocating world that is available to me and my kids.  Special Olympics ideals have changed very little since the 1960's and laws such as the Rehabilitation Act, IDEA, Fair Housing and the ADA have opened doors to inclusive opportunities that Special Olympics is still trying to keep shut.  For now, I think my kids are better off without the outdated ideas and experiences.
 

Paralymics Motto:  Spirit in Motion.

 

In 2001, the IOC has written its commitment to equal access to athletics for all people into its charter, which states, “ The practice of sport is a human right. Every individual must have the possibility of practising sport, without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play....Any form of discrimination with regard to a country or a person on grounds of race, religion, politics, gender or otherwise is incompatible with belonging to the Olympic Movement."

The Perfect Boy

Every year I try to write something thought provoking in memory of the tremendous losses that our country has had since the Roe V Wade decision.  Typically the loss of inventors, scientists, artists, doctors, and other highly intelligent, highly creative and highly motivated are the focus of  the Roe V. Wade pro-life literature.  There is the whole undertone of "what if our society killed the next Edison, Bell, or Gates", but like I wrote last year in "52 Million Kids that Can't Change the World" every child has potential and deserves to be born, to have an impact on society and to be impacted by society.  Rarely are the fetuses with disabilities such as Downs Syndrome, Spina Bifida, Hydrocephaly, and physical deformities considered for the loss to society and their abilities to inspire, encourage, and develop our capacity for love and compassion.
 

Tommy "Superman" & his mom Kim



So this year, I want to introduce you to a remarkable young man who helped develop an equally remarkable mother and remarkable family and a remarkable church.  A young man so remarkable and so perfect that the family's priest draws beautiful images of parallels between the relationship of Christ and his mother.  I believe strongly that every voting American needs to meet Thomas "Tommy" Supernault and his mother.  Unfortunately, Tommy passed away suddenly at the end of November of 2011.  I really wish that I had introduced you to him sooner, but like his mom, I thought Tommy would be with us for longer.  I am sure my introduction would have not done his life justice.  Below is the tribute that his mother delivered at his funeral.  It does his life justice.  It explains why we must protect fetuses that could become Tommy Supernaults, just as vigorously as we work to protect potential future leaders, researchers and innovators.   

By: Kim Saumier
This world, my home, my heart...will never be as it was before.

My Thomas was a good boy, perfect in every way. He didn't know hatred or jealousy. Most people would say that he didn't "know" if he was being made fun of or stared at but I say he didn't care. He loved and accepted everyone with his whole heart. Can you just imagine for one second what a gift that is? I think that most of you would know Thomas for his smile and if you were lucky enough, paid close enough attention you could see that sparkle in his eyes because it was always there. And then for his laugh and giggles, he sounded like that boy from A Christmas Story, only 1,000 better-it was beautiful.

He is beautiful. He turned the hardest of men into mush, his grandfather's, my dad and Doug(his other grandfather) loved my baby so much and Thomas loved them back even more. It was amazing to see. Thomas went through so much from the time he was born, surgery after surgery, piles of medications, feeding tubes, machines, equipment and enough supplies to fill 3 houses, just ask my husband. This journey hasn't always been easy, but it has always been worth every ounce of everything we've ever gone through. Being a parent of a special needs baby, there are things that we have to go through that most parents will just never understand. I had Thomas when I was young he was a preemie 3lbs. 11oz. They found Hydrocephalus at his 2 month check up and Schizencephaly that same day. I can remember saying out loud for the first time to one of Tommy's therapists "...because he's not going to ever walk..." We were in mid conversation, I realized what had just come out of my mouth and just broke down. I think I cried for a week straight. I had the thought in my head but had never actually said the words. He started having seizures at 4 months old, he lost his ability to suck. Started PT at 5 months-we worked on sitting up-didn't happen-heartbreak. Crawling-just not there. We worked on standing-more heartbreak. We used a walker thinking he needed to be moving to find his balance-nope. We worked on keeping him stretched and range of motion-SDR then Tendon releases-more heartbreak. We worked on feeding, we surely weren't losing this too-gtube, nissen, pyloralplasty-devastation and despair....Through all of this there are also the lingering feelings of "he is never going to have a family, no mother-son dance, no babies for him, and for me. How will I do things, afford anything, get from here to there?

This is a long hard road but the rewards, the blessings, Thomas has given me are everlasting. What I have learned from my baby far outweigh all of that. I may not have seen it all of the time along the way and still get lost sometimes. He taught me that acceptance and giving up are worlds apart-this was the hardest to believe-but Thomas didn't give up on me because he is a fighter. He is perfect and pure and he healed my heart every time it broke. He made me strong, shows me true love, taught me patience...he makes me good and grateful and brave...Thomas was all of these things from the second he was born...He is my superman...

(To Tommy)
You've made my will strong

Taught me right from wrong

You've made my eyes open wide
An angel forever at my side

You've made my words kind
A love few will ever find

You've made my heart melt
A truer feeling never felt

You've made butterflies come and go
ALWAYS brave without the show


You've been everything to me
...and I want the world to see

The precious gifts you give
FOREVER in my heart shall live...
 
Tommy's condition is now frequently detected by ultrasound.  Kim works with moms and dads through facebook, email and yahoo groups to encourage them to choose life for their unborn child diagnosed with schizencephaly.  Then she provides support and encouragement to the families who do choose life.  She is a wealth of medical, financial, emotional and parental knowledge and experience.  I am honored to know Kim due to our daughter Vanessa who also has schizencephaly.  Through Vanessa's diagnosis, I have discovered a group of moms with amazing strength, amazing character and amazing love....mom's like Patty, Laura,  Shelley, Jessica, Joni, Sarah, Jena, Amanda, Loren, Misty, Shanon and 120ish more...all of us developing in ways we never expected and all of us at different places in the journey and encouraging one another.  While we share frustrations, sorrows and grief, I have NEVER heard anyone in our group REGRET that they chose life for their child.  Unfortunately, there are no pamphlets at the doctors' offices telling moms-to-be who just had an abnormal ultrasound...."No regrets."

Early Morning Phone Call

I got a call crazy early this morning.  The kind of crazy early that you hope the call is a prank because otherwise you know it is terrible, bad news.   Mr. Workman and I rolled out of bed, located the phone and answered it.  It was our 3 year old twins.  They were calling us from my iphone from their bedroom. They greeted me with a "Hi Mommy!" and from what I could tell, they even had me on speaker phone at 4:20am!
I can barely make a call from my iphone.  I have no idea how they knew to unlock it, navigate to the phone section and pick home.  I assume that was the last call that I made so it was easy to pick.  However, tonight as I was putting them to bed, Luke let me know that Grandma wasn't home this morning and he didn't know how to call Wal-Mart, which is apparently where Grandma is, if she isn't at home.  So I just checked my phone,  the call before the one this morning was to Daddy's cell phone, which was turned off.  I guess they thought they had called grandma. 

Needless to say based on the twins love of water and flooding the house, I'm just glad they didn't wash my iphone...and yes, it is put up REALLY high tonight!

Christmas Toothbrush Story

Like all mom's I try to teach my kids to share and be generous, especially with their siblings.  However, sometimes younger siblings can really damage their older brothers' and sisters' stuff so a balanced approach of teaching the kids what to share and then with whom can become a complex web of rules and developmental considerations...yet at other times, it seems like the rules are pretty obvious.





On Christmas Sunday morning, I had Christmas stockings full of fruit, candy and a couple special treats like friction cars for the toddlers and earbuds for the tweens and teens.  However, I had David at age 8, and he is right between friction cars and ear buds.  He loves electronic games, but that was outside of the budget so I had struggled to figure out what he would consider a fun treat/toy.  After a lot of consideration, he said something to help me out.  He mentioned that he had seen a picture of me getting an electric Bugs Bunny toothbrush for Christmas as a child, and he wanted to know if I still had it because it was "awesome".  So I started looking at Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, etc and finally found a SpiderMan electric toothbrush that I was sure David would love!

On Christmas morning, I was disappointed to see that David had gotten up before me, opened his stocking gifts and was already settled into watching a video that he had gotten from grandma the night before.  I had hoped to see him open his stocking, and I wanted to know what he thought of his toothbrush, which I KNEW he would love!  So you can imagine my horror when 4 year old Matt met me outside the bathroom with toothpaste suds everywhere and letting me know he LOVED the Spiderman toothbrush.  I started explaining to Matt that you cannot take things out of someone else's stocking.  He said, "I know.  David said I could."  Well, as you can imagine, I was crushed that David had given away a gift that I was sure he would REALLY love. 

So later when David had finished his movie, I asked him about the toothbrush...was it too noisy? Did it scare him? Was it too much vibration?  No, no, no, he assured me that it got his teeth really clean as he pointed to his teeth and showed me his big smile.  My heart sank.  I knew I had to tell him what Matt did.  I called Matt to the kitchen with David and I, then I started to explain that I was so sorry that Matt had taken his toothbrush.  David glared at Matt and yelled, "You broke it! I told you to be careful when you tried it!"  I felt a little gag in my throat as I got the boys to clarify that they had both used the toothbrush.  Matt was especially proud as he declared, "David shared it with me."

So we had a talk about things that you share and things that you don't share.  Then I spent about an hour boiling and replacing EVERYONES' toothbrushes, especially as I thought about all those times my own toothbrush was unexpectedly damp...and as I realized that David had wanted my old Bugs Bunny electric toothbrush to USE again.  Icky!

BTW-Neither Matt or David could remember if they had ever tried my toothbrush!  I'm laughing now or I would still be gagging!

And this commandment have we from him,

That he who loveth God love his brother also. ~~I John 4:21

Us vs. The Duggar's

NOTE:  FIRST let me say that this is NOT an announcement that we are adding to our family.  Now with that out of the way, let me explain what it is about.

Many people who learn about our big family ask me if I watch the Duggar's or read their books.  Since we do not have cable TV (yes, I'm serious...just the free local channels), I have not watched the Duggar's except youtube clips.  I've read some blog entries and one book, but in general, I know very little about them.  However, it is obvious that in popular culture the Duggar's are considered the standard on "how to be a large family", and I must admit I tried their homemade laundry soap as part of my research when figuring out my own recipe.  I've also tried a couple of their dinner recipes, but other than soap and dinner, much of their other ideas are not a fit with our kids' needs OR our income OR the size of our house.

So a couple years ago when I first saw the Duggar's central closet (http://health.discovery.com/videos/17-kids-counting-jim-bob-says-good-bye.html) my first thoughts were not positive.  I wondered how the kids got a sense of ownership. For example, if one got a new sweater for Christmas and now it is in a shared closet where siblings could wear it too.  Ownership, responsibility and taking care of one's own things is a BIG lesson that all our children must learn, but our children who spent their early years in orphanages have an extra challenge in understanding good stewardship of resources and ownership.  In fact, even though we have a toy room, I have always insisted that each child can have some toys in their bedroom too just to "practice" being responsible for something. 

Therefore you might be surprised that my Christmas break project has been....drum roll please.....creating a central closet!  So what changed my view?  Simple.  Kids who grow so fast that they cannot tell their current clothes from their outgrown clothes AND since we have what Corrine calls "pass-me-arounds", the clothes that I moved from David to Jon to Matt, would end up back on David!  Also with our current age range of 15 years to 3 years, the toy room was becoming impossible.  Little ones were breaking older ones toys and the older ones were getting angry; so I decided much more could be learned by having each child's toys in each bedroom rather than their brother's 3 sizes too small pants!

The plan is that each Friday our kids will pick out their clothes including socks, underwear, PJs, and outerwear  for the next week & put these 7 to 14 outfits in their closet.  At the end of the week, they can return clean leftovers AND I better not find leftover clean underwear!  (It will give me a double check system on unddies so now I just need one on tooth brushing...that reminds me that I need to blog the Christmas toothbrush story...I'll try to do that this week.)

So in the "Us vs. the Duggar's" match-up, we have now tried their soap, their food & their closet system!  However, I must share with you that when I think of amazing big families, I think of my mom's parents who raised 9 children without much money or the Amish families around Seymour, Missouri.  These Amish families often have 10+ children and no running water and no electricity, but their kids and their clothes are clean.  I'm more interested in how they manage their home, than how an upper-middle class, custom-built home owner with a reality show is managing their home.  However, I don't think my kids would agree to a few outfits each as the Amish do so I have to look to the Duggar's on this one.  By the way, I have nothing against the Duggar's, but the lifestyle they live is beyond what most of their fans/watchers will attain so their home leaves a lot of  large families wishing that they had their setup and discontent.  I think the Duggar's handle a tremendous burden of being so open and camera-ready with their lives.  So when people say, "have you watched the Duggar's?", well my honest answer is yes, but I admire my grandparents and the Amish.

Let your conversation be without covetousness;

and be content with such things as ye have:

for he hath said, I will never leave thee,

nor forsake thee. ~~Hebrews 13:5

Christmas Chaos & Joy

My family has always opened presents on Christmas eve, but my hubby's family usually opened presents on Christmas morning so when we got married we had to pick a tradition to follow.  Because my parents like to be at our house when presents are opened, we ultimately decided to follow my family's tradition.  The kids stay up late on Christmas Eve playing, and Christmas morning is more leisurely.  The kids sleep while we are up early starting Christmas dinner.  They have small stocking gifts waiting on them; then breakfast; get dressed and play some more before dinner!

Christmas Eve this year was especially chaotic.  The twins had clogged the downstair's bathroom's sink, played in the water and left the water running until the wet family room carpet was discovered sometime later.  So around noon, Mr. Workman started intensive clean up with the wet vac and using every fan in the house.  As you might guess, this is the same carpet that I JUST had professionally cleaned two weeks ago and NO it was NOT dry by the time we opened gifts in the evening (or even yet this evening).  So gift opening was restricted to the dry side of the family room, which made picture taking angles difficult.  

We usually take turns opening gifts in an orderly fashion, but with three 3 year olds and a 4 year old running on crazy-high octane-Christmas-grandparents-candy-adenaline...well, orderly wasn't going to happen!!!  So with paper ripping, screaches of joy and lining up for Grandpa to free their new toys from the packaging...the boys opened their own gifts AND each others gifts AND came to help each of us open our gifts in all of 10 minutes.  (The clean-up took forever!  But they didn't care or know since they were playing with their new toys.) 

Antonio & Pauline with their 2 kids &

our kids from Haiti

This year, a big dinner and church, were pitted against each other so we had a big turkey dinner with all the fixings last Saturday with friends and our special guests Pauline and Antonio who worked at "our" orphanage in Haiti.  It was so nice to see them.  They are currently living in Tulsa, but they will be moving soon to Florida.



So today on Christmas Day, we decided to go with something easy for lunch after church.  We went Italian.  All the kids ate great except the twins who each fell asleep on sofas in different rooms during the brief 20 minute prep-time.  When they woke up an hour or so later, they feasted too.  I got a long nap.   Mr. Workman kept working on drying the carpet.  The kids played with new toys or read new books, and it was a VERY good Christmas Day!

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.~~Isaiah 9:6

Christmas Spirit

Salvation Army Band in front of the Fox Theatre.

This year I have been determined to take time to feel and live the Christmas Spirit.  The last few years, our Christmastimes have included surgeries and doctor visits and hurry and rush and stress.  However, I promised myself that would not be the case this year.  I would take time for friends and family, for celebrations, for decorations and if we get any, I may even play in the snow!   

So the first weekend in December, Ed & I headed to St. Louis for an overnight stay and to see "A Christmas Carol" at the Fox Theatre.  We are so out of practice with these get-a-way things that we forgot to take cash for parking, but disaster was averted after a complete search of pockets, bags, and floorboards yeilded the $8 we needed.  THEN, we had the "fun" of handing the change to the attendant and wishing him a "Merry Christmas".  He didn't want to accept it, but his boss assured him that it was legal tender and they accepted it!  The show and the Fox Theatre were as awesome as when I had visited last and I especially enjoyed the details and personality that actor Jeff Horst injected into his character Scrooge.   Then after the show, the Salvation Army Band was playing on the sidewalk outside the theatre.  It was positively Christmas perfect, except I had left the 11 cents of "extra cash" on the dash of the car and didn't have even a penny to put in the Kettle!  The group still insisted on taking a request and it was wonderful! 



Live Nativity by our friends John & Nancy Young



This year I have taken time to enjoy hosting a get together, which we hadn't done since July 2008!  Our whole family has enjoyed time with friends and special projects, the parade, a live nativity and Christmas lights in Carthage and Monett.  For the first year ever our Annual DVD is not yet done, but it will be soon for those who are thinking that I forgot you!  My Christmas shopping is not done.  My celebratating is just not finished, and I'm not worried because I have almost 5 days to enjoy the process of finishing Christmas preparations. 

 

Corrine enjoying the "Way of Salvation"
 light display in Carthage.



 If you are needing a little help feeling in the Christmas Spirit, then I have two small project suggestions for you that are less than a dollar and would really improve someone's day.

PROJECT 1: Write a note and/or send a card to Ashlea Burkhart.  She lives in Joplin and was severely injuried in the tornado.  The recovery and rehabilitation process from the brain injury has been especially tough for this mother of two and her husband.  Her mother has had to quit her job to help with Ashlea's care, but Ashlea IS improving, especially since a group of friends took on a project to get cards of encouragement sent to her.  Since November 15th, she has received over 1,000 cards and these are used as part of her recovery is to go get the mail everyday and read the cards aloud.  You can mail the card to the following address: 

Ashlea Burkhart

3609 E. 13th St.

Joplin, MO 64801

PROJECT 2:  Send a Christmas card to and pray for Troy and Angie Jensen.  Troy had a bone marrow transplant in Oct. and under normal conditions would have been able to leave the hospital in November. Unfortunately he has had many set backs and is still in the hospital and will not be leaving before the holidays. Angie has put a small Christmas tree in his room and plans to fill his window with the Christmas cards that are sent, so that when Troy is able, he can see the evidence of all the people who care for him and have been praying for him.  Angie's St. Louis address is below.

Troy and Angie Jensen

4555 Forest Parkway

Apt 301

St. Louis, MO 63108

   "I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!"~~Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

The Twins are 3!

Luke waving bye.  Mark already up the bus steps.

 The twins turned 3 today and took the big step of going to their first day of 1/2 day preschool.  Mark was ready to ride the bus, but Luke was a little less sure about this new adventure.  In the end, they both rode the bus without tears, and they returned home ready to go to school again tomorrow.  Here are some pictures of their BIG day.  Could they be anymore cute?!  I don't think so!

Present time!!

Cake with REAL candles for the 1st time.

Drive III Wheelchair Review

As many of you know from Facebook, about a month ago my trusty wheelchair of 15 years had its frame break.  It is repairable and will be repaired, but it will take months to get the part due to the age of the chair.  Plus the chair really does need to be retired to being a backup chair.  My current backup chair is about 22 years old; the frame has been twisted and screws have been stripped by the abuses of jumping many curbs and international travel so it is literally "on its last wheel".

A Quickie RX

The replacement with a new Quickie® with the features similar to my old chair would be between $2200 and $1800 depending on discounts that I might or might not be able to get.  This is a BIG, unexpected expense so I checked ebay and second hand sales places like Missouri Assistive Technology's Swap N Shop, but I was unable to find what I needed at a reasonable price.  I decided to look for other brands that might offer better prices and I was intrigued to find a chair listed for $235.  It looked a lot like my first Quickie called a Quickie RX.  (Some of you may remember the old Quickie company slogan, "You'll never forget your first Quickie"...well its true.  My Quickie RX made me a lifetime customer and a wheelchair snob*.)  The $235 chair's knock-off design intrigued me.



Drive Cruiser III

 I researched this knock off called a Drive Cruiser III and found it at Wal-Mart online for only $195.  Plus it had free shipping to the store or 97 cent shipping to my house.  I have NEVER considered buying a wheelchair from Wal-Mart and certainly not for less than $200.  I ordered the chair on Tuesday and it arrived on Friday.  So we took it out of the box, made some adjustments and I've been using it for 4 days now.  The following is my thoughts about the chair.

• I was pleasantly surprised by the two axle heights that truly assure it is a hemi-height (can be pushed with a foot because your feet touch the ground when adjusted for this use).  Additionally, I was surprised by the 3 position fork so I could have the inclined seat that I like to reduce the pressure on my left hip.
• The seat is comfortable and seems very durable.  Since I like to fold and load the chair with my right hand only, I would have preferred a single strap across the seat to help fold the chair rather than the loops on each side.  The back is not adjustable and too high for my preferences.
• MAIN POSITIVE:  The front wheels are welded to the frame rather than screwed so it is more durable.  My 22 year old backup Quickie chair suffers from the screws shifting and enlarging the holes until the front tires no longer functioned properly.  I've made temporary repairs on this problem for years.
• The chair weighs about 7 pounds more than my Quickie did so right now I feel like I'm in an exercise program when I load and unload the chair.
• MOST SERIOUS NEGATIVE:  The wheels are bald indoor tires that can leave black streaks on the floor.
• The look and style is not bad.  It is kind of like owning a knock off Coach bag, but only a few people can identify a knock-off wheelchair.  For my preferences, the back push handles are TOO inviting.  As a full time chair use, those handles are a part of my "personal space" so if someone wouldn't touch my shoulders, they shouldn't push my chair especially without asking.  My kids even get this and from age 5 on, they don't push me unless I ask.  (Before age 5, it can be a handy way to keep track of kids, if they quit pushing, then I know to start looking for them because kids push all the time even when you stop.)
• MY SUMMARY:  A seriously good value for indoor home use.  An excellent choice for a back-up chair for a wheelchair snob, but I'll be saving up for a new Quickie as my full time chair.  This chair could have been my full time chair 1) if the back was adjustable to be lower, 2) if the tires had tread, and 3) if it were 3 to 5 pounds lighter. 

*DEFINITION Wheelchair Snob:  A wheelchair user with the attitude that medical supply sales people should not try to endorse or recommend a brand of wheelchair unless the sales person has personally used the chair constantly for a year, hauled it in/our of taxis, checked it on an airline and navigated many curbs without twisting the frame beyond what the warranty on the chair will cover.

The victory in being 3!



1st Birthday



The BIG news, Nate IS 3 years old!  I took off his Oxygen for a few minutes and let him play in his cake and open presents this year.  He knew what to do as he tore into his cake and presents without hesitation.  He would tear the paper, peak in the package and clap with delight over each of his presents.  It didn't seem possible that he was the same kid as his 1st birthday when he was so sick and so scared of his cake.  It had been hard to even get a picture of him with his 1st birthday's cake because he didn't want it that close to himself!  We have certainly been blessed to see God provide doctors, surgeries and continued healing to our growing toddler.  It truly is hard to believe that he is the same child with whom I would wake up, and pray while listening for him to gasp his next breath, pause, pause and then the feeling of relief as he gasp again and again.  What a tough, but fragile little guy; he was!  Oh how hard I prayed!

Three years old!

 

Yeap, Nate's definately 3!



Now next week, Nate will start a developmental pre-school program two mornings a week so he can get his therapies while he is there.   He seems ready to go after his couple visits, but I'm still getting geared up to actually take him and leave him for 3 hours with people who don't know what each snort, wheeze or glassy eyed expression means.  Nate and I have a long list of sounds and signals that mean all sorts of things such as more Oxygen, less Oxygen, nose spray, suctioning, breathing treatments, too hot, too cold or too much air freshner/parfum/dust.  However, even I know that I'm not sending him when he is actively sick and a few hours of needing a squirt of nose spray is not life theatening.....but oh, this is going to be hard....almost as hard as waiting for the next gasp.  So if you could pray for Nate & me next Monday the 14th, we would each appreciate it!  Nate needs to fight off the germs and keep healthy, and I'm depending on those prayers to get me through what is a little change for most folks.

Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the LORD

 hath wrought this? In whose hand is the soul of every living

 thing, and the breath of all mankind. ~~Job 12:9-10

Money $aving $auces

Below are two money saving sauces that are easy to make, AND these are favorites at our house. 

The FIRST one is an enchilada sauce, which falls between mild & medium on my spice index.  The recipe comes from Daddy's Deli in Little Rock, Arkansas and was originally made with 28 oz diced tomatos and 8 oz of water added.  (If you make it with the diced tomatos it needs to cook down for 30 minutes or more.)  However, I have picky eaters who don't like tomato chunks so I substitute the equal amount of tomato sauce.

ENCHILADA SAUCE

28 oz tomato sauce 

1 can diced green chili

1 T dried onion

2 T chili powder

2 t cumin

1 t garlic powder

Stir together and heat over medium heat for 10-15 minutes.  Stir occassionally as it starts boiling.  This recipe typically costs $1.60 to make.  If I bought this much store bought enchilada sauce, then it would cost over $8 AND it would not taste as good.  This sauce is a favorite at our house.  Mild enough for the kids and spicy enough to have great flavor.  This sauce is also great mixed with ranch dressing for a Southwest Ranch flavor, and it is a fabulous base for tortilla soup.

SECOND SAUCE:  My kids eat lots of chocolate syrup to add to milk, pediasure, ice cream and squeezed directly into their mouth when they think I'm not looking.  The next recipe is for homemade chocolate syrup.  The recipe taste so much better than store bought syrup.

CHOCOLATE SYRUP

½ cup cocoa powder

1 cup water

2 cups sugar

⅛ teaspoon salt

After removed from heat add

¼ teaspoon vanilla

Twins Mark & Luke enjoying a drink together.
Photo by La Marie Photography/Angela Covington

Mix all the ingredients except the vanilla in a sauce pan over medium heat.  Bring to a low boil for 2 minutes to fully dissolve the sugar.  Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla.  Remember to let this cool in the pan for 10 minute or so because it can melt a plastic squeeze bottle.  Stores in the refrigerator in a glass or plastic container.  I've been told it lasts a month in the refrigerator, BUT not at our house! It is also great on pears!  I especially like that it does not contain milk because of the milk allergies in our family.  The syrup costs $1.50 to make the same amount that I buy for $2.57 in the off brand.



Too busy & its my fault!

I let myself take on way too much in September and I'm still paying the price.  I'm exhausted, fighting off a cold, and in desperate need of a break, with no break in sight.  I am working through an ambitious work schedule that would have work's work caught up by Friday.  If I can get some sleep, some quiet time, and keep focused, then I'll make it with the help of God & his marvelous creation...coffee.  It is almost the light at the end of the tunnel.

What I like about my work is I generally control my work schedule and the pace at which I work.  I typically have room for all the "surprises" that 10 children can bring, BUT let me get overbooked and over committed and yes, even their needs intensify to help me learn my lesson AGAIN.  When I let the flood gates open a little extra in August, well, to be blunt, I was stupid!  The thoughts of making up for currently delinquent accounts and the potential extra earnings and...I got greedy.  Plain & simple...the thought of curing stress through extra earnings completely backfired.

Mark in Daddy's shoes and
reminding me that he's
watching our choices: 
hug on babies OR work

In the past 4 weeks, Jon broke his arm at school and needed care in St. Louis.  The local ER doctor hot lined the situation as he was sure someone at school had been too rough with Jon.  I had no doubt that it was an accident because everyone at school is so careful with Jon, and I figured it might have happened on the bus since that would be the easiest place for an accident.  It turned out to that his arm was likely broken during a routine transfer from his chair.  It could have happened anywhere.  HOWEVER, the hotline call resulted in our first Family Services visit at our home.  I was a nervous wreck.  I wasn't even sure what to tell the kids.  David would have behaviors for months if he thought someone or something could separate him from us.  (This is the kid who I had to promise him that he never had to move out when he got bigger.  The thought of being away from us for very long causes him a lot of stress.)  So I told the kids a lady was bringing by a police officer to meet us and she might have some questions about our family like the newspaper and TV people did.  Then the middle group (David, Vanessa & Corrine) wanted to know if there would be pictures, and I assured them that there probably would not be pictures.  Matt was already for the police officer and even had his police cars out, and no one except me was stressed.  It frankly could not have gone better.

Then no more than that was done and everyone except three got sick with bad colds.  My mom came down and spent the day so I could spend Saturday at Urgent Care getting the crew seen.

Then last week, I'm taking Jon & Nate to Springfield to the brace shop and while driving got a call that Vanessa arrived at school with a lump on her leg and it might be broke.  I knew immediately it was from her goofing around in the travel stroller and not buckling in because Corrine had already told me that Vanessa had fallen out of her chair while playing tag.  However, there wasn't a mark and Vanessa didn't even cry so I thought she was fine.  Angela picked her up from school.  We got an x-ray and the next day we got the results that it was just a bruise.  I was SO thankful! 

I'm looking forward to a better week next week.  With home school grading, coupon clipping, more hugs, more playtime and some work, "things" should just be "things" again and the children will be the clear center of my focus again.

And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD;

and great shall be the peace of thy children.~~Isaiah 54:13

Temporary Marriage Licenses

This morning I read this article below at this link.

Mexico City legislators propose temporary marriage licenses

Reuters Sep 30, 2011 – 8:46 AM ET

MEXICO CITY — Mexico City lawmakers want to help newlyweds avoid the hassle of divorce by giving them an easy exit strategy: temporary marriage licenses.

Leftists in the city’s assembly — who have already riled conservatives by legalizing gay marriage — proposed a reform to the civil code this week that would allow couples to decide on the length of their commitment, opting out of a lifetime.

The minimum marriage contract would be for two years and could be renewed if the couple stays happy. The contracts would include provisions on how children and property would be handled if the couple splits.

“The proposal is, when the two-year period is up, if the relationship is not stable or harmonious, the contract simply ends,” said Leonel Luna, the Mexico City assemblyman who co-authored the bill.

“You wouldn’t have to go through the tortuous process of divorce,” said Luna, from the leftist Party of the Democratic Revolution, which has the most seats in the 66-member chamber.

Luna says the proposed law is gaining support and he expects a vote by the end of this year.  Around half of Mexico City marriages end in divorce, usually in the first two years.  The bustling capital, one of the world’s largest cities, is much more liberal than the rest of the country, where the divorce rate is significantly lower although on the rise.

Abortion is legal in Mexico City, while the Supreme Court ruled this week to uphold state laws in Baja California that say life begins at conception.

Leftist Mayor Marcelo Ebrard, who angered the Catholic Church when he made Mexico City the first Latin American city to legalize gay marriage in late 2009, announced this month he would soon step down to run for president.  The church criticized the proposed change.  “This reform is absurd. It contradicts the nature of marriage,” said Hugo Valdemar, spokesman for the Mexican archdiocese. “It’s another one of these electoral theatrics the assembly tends to do that are irresponsible and immoral.”  The Church holds considerable sway in the country with the world’s second largest Catholic population after Brazil.

© Thomson Reuters 2011

--------------------------------------

When I started reading the article, my first thought was a rather humorous one, "I can't even remember to renew the car tags on time!"  I would sure hate the thought of needing to renew my marriage license, but I wondered if it could be done at the DMV office...some marriages might end just over the long wait to renew!  Then my thoughts became suspicious of how much revenue these temporary license would create.

However, the real issue here is what a sad condition "unconditional love" has fallen into in our "modern society".  We have become a happiness seeking society of grazers and samplers.  We'll try a bit of this and then some of that and finally choose what is the "best" at the time.  Marketers depend on these behaviors and are always offering new and improved to our lives...from dish soap to hair styles to fashion it is not all bad...it's possibly just innovation, but society has let sampling into relationships.  Our world is about the product, the situation and now the person who pleases us most, who makes us happiest.  We dream of "happily ever after", but we live for the pleasure of the moments and our society disregards the "ever after". 

In these modern times, it is rarely about the person who will care for us enough to be loyal through a lifetime of changes and adjustments.  Even more RARE, is our own willingness to love someone else through a lifetime of ups and downs, of I love you and I don't feel love for you right now.  Over and over the message is sent,  mainly through Christian based media, that love is a verb (an action) and not an adjective (description).  Yet so many Christian people are looking for some short cut to happiness.  Seeking wisdom and choosing sacrifice are not the "modern way".  People are "trying out" pre-martial sex, affairs, living together and a whole multitude of "stuff" to make sure they will be happy or (even more disastrous) that the other person will make them happy.    

"Unconditional love" is not measured in happiness.  Unconditional love is measured in security, patience, peace, understanding and being treasured, and it includes the long lost values of loyalty and forgiveness.  Unfortunately, in the last year, I played matchmaker thinking that I was offering a young man an opportunity for a peaceful, secure home life with a young woman who would forgive him, love him and be a great match for his strengths and weaknesses.   As the evening went on, I watch as the young man involved ignored the amazing woman that I had placed in his presence and I soon realized that he was a "sampler".  He was dismissing a woman with unconditional love because she wasn't offering samples of "happiness".  Too bad he missed that she was offering a lifetime of true love. 

Mr. Workman & I celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary on Monday...I'm sure glad that we don't ever have to "decide" if we WANT to renew our marriage license OR for that matter REMEMBER that we NEED to renew our marriage license. 

I sure hope that by the time our kids are getting married, we don't have to ask, which marriage license they plan to get....a real one or a fake one?

For the love of money is the root of all evil:

which while some coveted after,

they have erred from the faith, and

pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and

follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love,

 patience, meekness. ~~I Timothy 6:10-11