52 Million Kids Who Can't Change the World

Of course, I don't remember the night that I was born, but many of my family remember it well.  Overall, they seem to mostly remember the crying, praying and worrying. In fact my own grandma was so worried that she couldn't remember my name, only part of the list of physical problems, and only after a couple days, would she realize that I was named after her.  The shock of having a child for whom the doctor could not say, "She has all her fingers and toes.  She is perfect." was felt not only by my parents, but by my grandparents and aunts and uncles.  By the time I have memories, I had already shown my family that I was an active and happy child. The family had decided to let me do whatever my non-disabled cousins did and just let me show them what I could and couldn't do for myself. The grieving was over and my parents had located specialists, met other parents with children with more severe challenges and we knew that the road ahead was do-able.



Me at 11 months



Exactly two weeks after I was born in 1973, the Supreme Court handed down rulings on Rowe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton on January 22nd.  Since that time, few children have been born with my disabilities which had been occurring every 3 to 5 years.  Among those who have been born is the cutest little boy named Landon who lives in Louisiana and a 10 year old girl born in Korean.  I have always felt a burden for the unborn children and the families making decisions of life and death while grieving and usually without accurate knowledge of the potential of their child.  My burden was only intensified when I realized that the news of the unborn child's disability is often paired with the assumption by medical professionals that an abortion will be scheduled.  This crisis point seems like a poor time to be making life and death decisions especially since trusted medical professionals frequently try to steer this decision towards abortion.

I have often been confused by how a medical school can turn out 2 highly skilled class mates, one a high risk OB physician and one a pediatric cardiac surgeon, YET the high risk OB is more likely to send an expectant mom to an abortion provider than to their cardiac colleague.  Reproductive medicine seems to now view its rolls as prevention of unplanned pregnancy, infertility treatments and gatekeeper to make sure all babies born meet society's stringent standard of perfection.

When I found out I was pregnant with Grace, I was 23 years old and was in the ER with the worst flu of my life.  I had a better job than most 23 year olds and I was buying my home.  However, I was also single and my pregnancy was unplanned.  The ER nurse gave me a list of abortion providers as the doctor gave me the news.  The next day I called my ob/gyn, who let me know that due to my disability, I would need a high risk doctor.  I already knew the risks of my hip not being able to hold together, but was surprised to learn that the referral was out of fear that my child would be disabled, not due to my hip problems.  (My disability has no known risk of being inherited.)  I then went to an amazing high risk doctor named Dr. Dix.  Later she would find out that I had a dermoid cyst growing and would soon be competing for space with my baby.  Dr. Dix was the doctor whom I needed.  She inspired confidence and built a vision of a successful pregnancy.  Unfortunately, her partner doctor at the time was just the opposite.  During visits with him, he would advise dangerous extensive testing, exaggerate the risks of my health situation, advocate abortion with handfuls of pamphlets and he would tell me that I had been brain washed by people into believing that disabled people had a quality of life like mine.  He assure me that I was a rarity.  However, due to many lengthy stays in a children's hospital and though working for a disability rights organization, I knew that I had more knowledge about the "quality of life" of disabled people than this dangerously misinformed doctor.

Needless to say, I couldn't help wondering about others in the waiting room on days that this doctor was seeing patients.  Most were young and had limited education and limited life experiences.  All of us were trusting our doctor to know what was best for our babies, but at least one doctor in that office seemed to have his own agenda, which he obviously thought guaranteed "perfect" babies.  Dr. Dix removed my cyst at 24 weeks.  It was a surgery that had some difficulties, but it was successful.  Unfortunately, her partnering doctor delivered Grace while Dr. Dix was out of town.  I was in labor for 46 hours, which I believe could have been shortened, but I think the doctor was seeing this as a way for me to pay the price of not following his advice.  He had warned me that Grace would probably be small and have a host of problems so after she arrived weighing in at 9lbs 4oz and 21 inches long, the doctor never really said anything else to me.

I was offered abortion resources at every turn and occasionally someone would suggest adoption.  However, rarely was I just simply congratulated that I was about to be a mom.  When I think of 38 years of legal abortions in the United States, I am overwhelmed by the over 52 million moms-to-be who didn't feel congratulated, who were not celebrated and who didn't feel that their kid could change the world.   As a Christian, I do not believe that sex makes a baby, but God allows babies to be made through sex at just the perfect time and in just the perfect way for each one to complete His will.  Each child has potential beyond the conditions of their birth because God has a plan for each mom and each child. 

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:

marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. --Psalms 139:14

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD:

the fruit of the womb is his reward. --Psalms 127:3

BTW-If you are a mom or a mom-to-be reading this, "Mega Congratulations!" 

January's Progress

Gloominess Postponed:

Well my gloominess are lifting or at the very least, being postponed until April or May.  Besides more and more unexpected projects keep coming in at work and home, so I really don't have time to be gloomy right now! 

Pantry "Eat Down" Continues:

The great pantry "eat down" challenge is heating up.  A few days ago our most picky eater Corrine was on the verge of a meltdown as her favorites started disappearing and she thought she was facing PBJ sandwiches for the rest of the month!  Corrine was advocating cleaning out the cabinets by giving it to the food closet because (and I quote) "those people will appreciate this stuff, unlike us".  So I have started posting the next couple days' menus in advance and everyone seems happier knowing what creative uses I've found for our supplies.  I made a few costly errors in planning the use of the pantry surplus since I did not take a full inventory before starting the menu planning.  For example,  I used all the frozen hot dogs before finding the frozen hot dog buns so I had to go buy more hot dogs.  However, I think we are on schedule of the "eat down" to end on or about February 4th.  Tonight I made the last roast.  Still ahead of us is orange roughy, tilapia, 3 packages of corn tortillas, 2 chickens, 1 turkey breast and a few beef ribs....plus lots of canned veggies and dry beans.  We have a few things that I always buy in bulk so they are not part of the "eat down", but they are nice to help me fill out the menu. 

Plans for After the "Eat Down":

When I teach business classes we encourage leaders of manufacturing businesses to consider JIT inventory management which views inventory as waste because it is money spent, but not in use.  JIT or Just-In-Time was developed by Toyota in the 1950s and I'm going to be the nerdy housewife/adjunct business instructor who tries to put JIT to use in the area of my groceries and household goods.  I already realize a set amount of inventory is needed to maximize the cost savings of bulk purchases and to be prepared for an emergency.  However, these surplus items are going to be planned into the menu and grocery list so that last month's emergency supplies are the beginning of the following month's menu.

  Using this JIT inspired method, I think I can achieve the following:

1.  Fresher food and no waste due to expiration

2.  Less clutter in the cabinets

3.  Fewer trips to the grocery store.  It should be 3 to 4 trips per month.

4.  Greater variety of foods and dishes with more nutrition

5.  Better use of coupons and sale items through planned meals

So I'm already working on February's menu and shopping list; I'm locating coupons and finding new ways to $ave!  It is not my goal to reduce what we spend on household costs, but rather it is my goal to get more usable "stuff" and to get better usable "stuff" for the $1000 per month that I spend.

(If I can figure out how, then I'll post my February plan and costs as I go through the month.  Plus unlike Dilbert's cartoon below, hopefully Wal-Mart and other retailers will keep doing what they do best so I won't need such an overstocked pantry.)

Blues & Birthday

I've had the "gloomies" for about 2 weeks.  I'm really not sure exactly why because it seems to be several things combined.  I was reading a friend's blog earlier this week, and she explained parts of  how I'm feeling better than I ever could. 

She wrote of her emotions:

Happiness when spending quality time with my children and husband.

Anger at myself for overeating and having poor self control.

Overwhelmed with having a hectic, busy, dirty, chaotic house.

Worried about my children.

Embarrassed to go to the gym and work out.  (I don't embarrass easily, but mine would be...Too lazy to load up the babies and to go to the gym and to unload the babies and to work out, etc AND angry at myself for being lazy)

Frustrated at the ignorance of some people.

Anxious about our finances.

Irritation from problem children.

Enraged by said children's behavior at times. (I get much less patient than I want to be when trying to write coherent reports for work and take care of the kids.)

Exhausted most of the day.

Hopeful.

I was so glad to hear another mom, whom I respect, give voice to these sometimes overwhelming feeling.  Strangely enough I found it encouraging.  I am so thankful for Kim being willing to write so honestly about her feelings...and mine!

My birthday outing was great.  Mr. Workman took me to Cafe on the Route for the first time.  It was featured on Diners, Drive-in, & Dives on the Food Network.  The food was amazing and Mr. Workman had reserved us the table directly in front of the fire place.  It was a lovely evening.  I had really hoped for going to do something like see a play, rather than just going to eat since I feel like I already do enough of that at home.  This feeling of disappointment is rare for me and I think it was brought on in part by my hope for an activity with the potential of chasing away the gloomies.  Oh well, I guess I've got to beat the gloomies some other way.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God. – Psalm 42:5-6a

New Year

I love New Year's because I love organization!  New Year's is a chance to get re-organized and to improve on last year's spreadsheets.  Menus, budgets, and goals all get re-adjusted to better meet the needs ahead.  These are prayerful considered in an effort to make our priorities match with God's priorities for the money and resources that He provides.  This year we have an ambitious budget with the goal of living off our base income.  Things like my teaching, Mr. Workman's translating, my unexpected contracts at work and hopefully nice tax returns will be going  to achieve the following:

1. to help us quickly pay off the $4500 in medical bills we accumulated in October 2010 (deductible & co-insurance time)
2. to put braces on Corrine's teeth
3. to pay into our emergency fund to bring it back up where it was when the boys arrived
4. to finish fencing the back yard and pouring a concrete patio
5. to install a new deck with a ramp into the backyard
6. and if all this is accomplished...then saving to fund our emergency fund by an extra 50%
7. and if God REALLY blesses, then a second washer and dryer hook-up and a super large capacity washer and dryer

We had hoped that this would be the year we added a van or other vehicle that could transport us all at once, but reality has hit that it is not in the budget this year.  As many of you know, Mr. Workman and I try to live as debt free as possible...medical bills and mortgage still haunt us, but someday we'll get them licked too!  

So as part of getting the household budget off to a good start, this month we are going to "eat down" the pantry....We have a lot of mixed supplies (lots of can goods, some mixes, many cereals, frozen meat, frozen wheat bread and frozen veggies) so I'm only buying baby formula and what is needed to make meals out of what we have already.  So far in 2011, we have had pancakes with bacon, lasagna, cheesy broccoli potato soup, and tonight's dinner is16 bean soup with beans with cheese sandwiches and pumpkin pie.  Tomorrow's dinner will be crock pot chicken risotto with Normandy blend veggies and maybe a bunt cake.  Needless to say this is going to get tougher as the month continues....kind of like my own "Iron Chef" challenge.  I'll keep you posted.....

Christmas

Mr. Workman and I were discussing tonight (well, this morning), how our measuring of a good Christmas has changed through the years.  We mused that Christmas used to be measured by things like....how good the gifts were, how tasty the food was, and how much fun the gatherings were.  It amazes us that we now measure Christmas by things like how much time we got to spend doing fun holiday stuff with the kids, having resources to have good gifts for each child, and getting to share the Biblical Christmas story with our children.  By the current measuring stick we had an amazing Christmas! 

Serious Christmas celebrations started with a get together at my parents home on Thursday.  Then Friday night, my folks came to visit and as is traditional we opened gifts after dinner.  As part of this tradition, dinner is take out and usually pizza.  This year it was pizza, pasta and bread sticks.  Then after dinner we rearranged the family room furniture and passed out gifts.  We usually start with the youngest and go to the oldest, but this year we skipped Nate until after Grace because he was being so good watching everyone else. 

The twins seemed confused at first, but after a few packages, they were ready to play and it was hard to keep them busy opening more while Grand-dad and Dad assembled and added batteries to toys.  The race track, that I almost didn't buy for them, surprised me by being the twins and Matt's favorite toy.  Matt got a "Cozy Coup" car and wanted to take it outside to play immediately.  He was pretty disappointed when we told him no because it is dark and very cold. 

Matt was our most excited child and he kept asking, "Mine?"  When we said yes, he would smile so big.  David was our next most excited and he was definitely the easiest to photograph.  He knows the "drill" and was facing me as he opened most of his gifts.  Jon obviously didn't realize that he was included too because when Corrine brought him his first gift, well...he almost leaped out of his chair!  Jon loved everything!  I had picked out two awesome toys for him that had buttons that he can reach and press.  Jon approves of my choices and has played with them non-stop.

Vanessa got a doll and lots of clothes including a fuzzy pink sweater, which she hugged when she opened the box.  It was very cute!  Hannah's favorite gift was a pair of super soft, fuzzy socks that Grace had gotten for her.  Corrine loved it all and Grace got an unusually large gift...a laptop!  She thought we had wrapped her Christmas in my old laptop box so she did not realize that she actually got a laptop until she reached in the box.  Great fun!

Nate opened his gifts last, after the other kids, and he was more interested in Jon's toys and the ribbon than in his gifts.  However, by Christmas morning he was ready to play with his too. 

Christmas Day was filled with kids playing with new toys, watching new movies and sharing a huge turkey dinner.  What a great celebration!

Luke 2:4-14



4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. 8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Rain on my parade

No matter how rarely it happens, it happens too often.  It causes a dull hurt that I usually avoid to coming rushing forward into full consciousness with great pain.  When I was in high school, there was a grocery store that I avoided because this seemed to happen a lot when I went there to shop.  What am I talking about?  Well let me tell you what happened this time and then my pain may make more sense.

Yesterday (Sunday) afternoon, Mr. Workman and I were attending a church Christmas dinner at a buffet style restaurant.  The kids were excited and Vanessa used her walker from the parking lot to the back meeting room which was a LONG walk.  We were all excited for her.  Our whole church group clapped, whistled and cheered as she walked into the banquet room.  Each of them have prayed and shared in the journey with us with all our kids so they know what a big step has occurred for Vanessa.  Christmas cards and well wishes were exchanged along with enjoying a great meal with great conversation and laughter.  It was a great day!

Then we gathered our crew and were making our way to the front doors.  It was indeed like a parade!  Daddy with Nate and his oxygen, Corrine with the twins in their stroller, David with Matt & Hannah, Grace with Jon, and finally me with Vanessa all traveling together in a line to the front door.  Then an older gentleman stopped me and told me that he went to an amazing church and he offered me a business card for the church.  I recognized the church.  I explained to the man that I was glad he had a great church and we have a great church too, in fact we had just finished a wonderful meal with our church family.  He looked disappointed, and walked away. 

Then this gentleman somehow cut around the tables and stopped Mr. Workman.  He began with the same introduction and Mr. Workman gave him the same response that I had.  The gentleman responded shaking the business card, "Listen I had cancer, this pastor prayed and the cancer is gone...something to think about with the crew you have."  Mr. Workman took the card, smiled and walked on....BUT there IT was AGAIN! 

It is so frustrating and hurtful that apparently some people believe we would be better, happier people if everyone could, walk, talk, see, hear and be "normal".   Even more frustrating is the failure of this man of faith to recognize the healing that we have already enjoyed.  We have experienced many miracles in our family and Daddy was carrying one HUGE miracle...Nate!  Furthermore, these miracles were performed by God, not by our pastor.  Sure our pastor and church anointed with oil and prayed, but God did the work.

As a mom, these "faith healers" are even more hurtful to me than when they just try to "heal" me.  Like any mom, I think my kids are about perfect and for anyone to suggest that they would be better another way is a BIG insult.  I know one thing for sure and that is that the Lord has given my kids (or will give them) everything they need to complete His plan for their life...I don't want them waiting on some pastor to try to give them something that God in His Divine plan knew was not needed. 

Illness needs healing, like Nate's heart and lungs.  Conditions like Downs Syndrome and cerebral palsy are a part of who the person is...just like hair or eye color.  To pray for healing would be like praying for eye color to change (or bigger boobs like the cartoon).  Many times people have prayed for my limbs to be "restored", and then they have told me that it didn't happen due to my lack of faith.  When I told them that I just prayed that they would grow another arm and it didn't happen so they may have faith issues too, then these same people say I'm mocking them and God.  In an attempt to avoid appearing to mock God, I now just pray that God will give them manners and teach them gently about faith. 

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made: marvellous [are] thy works; and [that] my soul knoweth right well. --Psalms 139:14

Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. --James 5:14,15

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.--Philippians 4:19

Holiday Buzz....

The upcoming Christmas celebration has our house buzzing!  The kids are so excited. We are so excited!  BUT the volume is unbelievable!  Ed's parents gives us money each year to buy the kids gifts from them.  My parents do most of their own shopping, but I help with part of it, especially for ones like Jon and Hannah.  Then I shop from us.  As the piles of presents grow so does the curiosity of the kids.  However, they have all done well to leave the presents alone, except for one....Baby Nate!  He can reach one stack in our bedroom and as soon as I put him on the floor (no matter where) he crawls as fast as he can for our room and that stack of presents. 

I'm behind on getting Christmas cards out due to a Mr. Workman turning off the power during an update and corrupting the file with our Christmas DVD.  Hopefully, by the end of this week, Christmas cards and DVDs will be in the mail.  It has been stressful making a whole year's worth of video in a couple weeks.  Everyone will just have to be understanding that this year's DVD will not be the usual style or quality, but there will be a DVD!

This week we will also start the beginning of making Christmas goodies.  The kids are all excited, especially Corrine and David who are my two main kitchen helpers.  We have our groceries and they are ready to mix, bake, and most importantly TASTE all the treats.

This coming Sunday is the Christmas program and there is still many preparations to be made for it!  In fact, I'm a bit overwhelmed thinking about it since our kids made up a majority of the cast!

I've been looking for some elves to come help me and the older kids get the Christmas tree up this year.  So far I haven't found any elves, but hopefully yet this week.  Mr. Workman works every weekend until Christmas due to debate tournaments so he won't be able to help decorate until right before Christmas, and I hate to say, "Honey, now that your vacation is finally here, I've got a few thousand things for you to do..lets start with the tree."  We did agree that this year we would skip the outdoor decorating and some of the "not baby proof" upstairs decorations like the foyer tree and my snowmen collection.  But the upstairs ledge is lined with poinsettias as is the table (15 in all) and some of my favorite wall hangings are up so it definitely looks like Christmas.

"I heard the bells on Christmas Day;

their old familiar carols play,

and wild and sweet the word repeat

of peace on earth, good-will to men!"--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Milestones

Yesterday was such an emotional day....I have not cried that much in a long time and for such a variety of reasons! 

First tears of my day came from news that a 10 year old with schizencephaly (same condition as Vanessa) had passed away overnight after a sudden acute complication/illness.  His mother is a part of a group of moms who all have kids with this rare congenital brain malformation.  We all communicate regularly with each other so even though we live hundreds and even thousands of miles apart we feel a close bond.  We can share things that most people wouldn't understand because other people would still be asking what schizencephaly is/if it can be fixed/etc.  We share fears, victories, ideas and most importantly we share a hope that the specialist don't usually have for our children.  Hope is probably our strongest bond, but this year the group has also shared grieving...too much grieving for one year.  Tears had just flowed for a beautiful angel in October, but now again so close to Christmas.

The second tears of my day came as I updated Nate's Caringbridge.  It has been 1 year since his open heart surgery.  I re-read entries from a year ago causing tears and prayers of thanksgiving.  It is hard to believe that a year has passed since the surgery.  So many milestones...1st tooth, crawling, sitting, more teeth, pulling up, babbling, and growing to double his pre-surgery weight and over 9" in height!  So many sicknesses...bronchiolitis, fevers, ear infections, pneumonias and with the support of praying friend, Nate fighting it all off!  I don't know if I have mentioned it lately, but he is one of the sweetest babies in the world!  Nate is such a blessing to our family!

Out to see the movie "Tangled"

The last tears of the day were brought by Vanessa.  She did something ordinary for most folks, but extraordinary for her.  Something that has been a goal of mine for her.  She went out to do something in the community without her wheelchair, without being carried...she went to a movie using only her walker!  I know the irony of a wheelchair-using mom having the closely held goal of her child walking, but you have to remember that I was able to walk from about age 2 to 7 with a brace and then from age 8 to 17 with a prosthesis.  I know the freedom that being able to stand and walk without physical assistance will bring to Vanessa.  Our next goal is to go to Wal-Mart with her walker to buy some clothes, but we will probably wait until after the holidays.  She needs more time to build up her endurance and she currently has me worried that she is having some new seizure activity.  Please keep her in your prayers as we get a new EEG after the holidays.  I'm praying that I'm just an overly anxious mom and that she is not having seizures.  She is such an amazing kid!

Adoption

Below is a list of some of my favorite quotes and such about adoption.  It seemed like a great way to end November.

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart"--Skye Hardwick

For finding you mother,

There's one certain test.

You must look for the creature

Who loves you the best.--- David Kirk (Little Miss Spider)

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child's Lullaby)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.

You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.

But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...

Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.

I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.

But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.

And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

Some definitions:

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.

Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.

Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.

Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

By Rita Laws

If you have a favorite too, feel free to post it as a comment.

Thanksgiving 2010

What a fun, busy day!  Mr. Workman got up (let me sleep) and started the rolls and the turkey so when I got up I was actually feeling pretty rested.  Of course, we had all the trimmings, 2 types of stuffing, noodles, mashed potatoes, gravy, salads, cranberry sauce, and pies.  As is our tradition, before we ate 

A picture taken by Grace as we were getting the
table set to eat.  We get asked a lot,
"How big is your table?"
The answer: 120" long with 5 chairs,
one adaptive feeding chair, &
2 benches.

we each said one thing that we were thankful for this year. 


• I said "living in a safe place" (thinking of Haiti and drought stricken west Africa ). 
• Mr. Workman said "health". 
• David said "turkey". 
• Corrine said "family". 
• Vanessa said "sisters". 
• Matt said "poppy" (grand-dad). 
• Hannah said "mac n cheese". 
• Jon just smiled big, and
• Grace who went last said "that this activity is over so we can eat"! 

With that Mr. Workman prayed, and we ate A LOT of great food!  After dinner, there was football to watch and some movies for those who weren't interested in football.

Then after everyone was in bed, Mr. Workman and I planned the morning shopping trip for Christmas bargains.  Unfortunately, even with the best planning, I only got about 30% of our list....I'm afraid I have a lot of shopping ahead of me!  However, I did get one great bargain at Office Depot.  It was a 4-in-1 office machine for $29, which I really needed since the kids accidentally knocked my fax machine onto the ceramic tile floor.  This was a surprise buy that I had not seen in the ad, but it will be put to immediate use!



As another nice surprise, Mr. Workman and I got breakfast together at Cracker Barrel!  Just us (and the 1200 other people with the same idea)...it was crowded, but it was SO nice.





Thanksgiving's Past

In 2006, we had just moved into our current home and we were still in disbelief and amazement that God had helped us in finding an affordable house that was perfect for our needs...BUT we also wondered what God had in store for us next because obviously this house was too big for our family in 2006!  We had applied to adopt David and Vanessa and we were waiting for the paperwork to be complete, but we knew even they wouldn't fill this house.

In 2007, we celebrated our first Thanksgiving without my brother Daniel.  He had passed away in May of 2007, only days after being taken to the ER and a colloid cyst discovered on his brain.  We were all still adjusting to the changes and absence that this had brought to our lives.  Plus we were watching David and Vanessa continue to grow up in photos while we continued to wait for their adoptions to be complete.
 
In 2008, David and Vanessa celebrated their first Thanksgiving in our home.  Both had been here long enough for their English skills to be fairly good, and they understood when we went around the table and took turns listing something for which we are thankful.  Vanessa said "mom" and pointed to me as my heart melted.  David answered quickly and confidently, "refrig-errr'-lators" and went on to explain that you put food in them and it waits for you there....so there is always food.  From a child who had known so much physical hunger, that statement of thanksgiving was profoundly insightful!  A few weeks after Thanksgiving, Mr. Workman and I would make the prayerfully-considered decision to apply to adopt Jon whom we had met while in Haiti.

Then last year's Thanksgiving was over shadowed by the unknown.  Baby Nate and Vanessa were both having surgery in December and Nate was so sick and I was so exhausted by his round the clock feeding schedule...it really didn't fully seem like Thanksgiving.  We had a big meal and family came, but I fell asleep when I stretched out on the bed for a minute.  Ultimately I missed most of that afternoon.  Jon's adoption process was on hold due to issues in Haiti and we were doubting when and if he could join our family.



Mark (left) and Luke (right) at my mom's house tonight
just after their huge meal.



This year Jon is home.  PLUS Mark, Luke and Matt joined our family with him and they are all experiencing their first Thanksgiving with us.  None of them understand that they now have a FOREVER family and forever a place to gather with people who love them every Thanksgiving, but I understand and am so blessed!  They all  loved the busy crowded atmosphere at my mom's tonight with lots of family and friends ready to give them lots of attention and food!  I am constantly amazed at God's goodness to our family. 

O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.--Psalms 136:1 

Thanksgiving Preparations

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays although I have always found it a bit odd that it arrives during the least financially abundant times of the year in our household.  Thanksgiving coincides with the October medical bills from meeting our annual health insurance deductibles, the property tax bills, and my business' insurances.  However, maybe this is how it should be since it focuses us on all our blessings, not just material ones. Faith, family, friends, love, health, happiness, and being together top my thankfulness list.  I'm also thankful for wonderful people from church who brought us a turkey with lots of trimmings including fresh fruit and a gold fish (long story, but David is impressed....the fish is even front and center in the photo below).  What a blessing! 

In the mist of getting Thanksgiving preparations started, our hot water heater started acting up.  I was thinking that I'd have to wait to get it fixed until after Thanksgiving, but a friend came and fixed it today!   I was so happy! 

As of last night the cooking and meal prep has begun!  We are having Thanksgiving with my parents and family on Wednesday.  Since I am a highly committed cook (sarcasm), I signed up to bring the crudités.  However, I also put together a cheese tray and made some Chex snack mix. 

Then on Thursday, we will be home for our own family meal with friends.  It is good that we will be home because right now the weatherman is saying that there is a chance of snow on Thursday.  This year's is Jon, Matt, Mark and Luke's first Thanksgiving.

International Orphans

Today there are estimated to be over

143 million orphans in the world.

How many is 143 million?

If you had these orphans hold hands in a line, you would see over 1,700 orphans per mile.  If you were to follow that line of orphans holding hands, driving 60 mph, you could drive 24 hours a day seeing 1,700 orphans every mile, hour after hour, day after day without stopping for over two months, and you would still see orphans holding hands.

US Adoption

In the United States:

• Of the more than 500,000 children living in foster care, 129,000 cannot return to their families and are waiting to be adopted. Among these children:
• Males outnumber females.
• African American children are disproportionately represented.
• Nearly two-thirds are age six or older.
• The average length of stay in foster care for children awaiting adoption is 44 months.
• More than 41 percent spend two to five years in foster care.
• Nearly 20 percent are trapped in foster care for five years or more.

Focus on the Family president and chief executive Jim Daly said.

"I was one of those kids — a kid that doesn't have a mom and dad. I was never adopted, but I was very appreciative of the people who came along to mentor me.“

"If my Bible math is right, God reminds us 47 times to take care of widows and orphans. This country has something like 300,000 churches and 130,000 orphans. The math is pretty simple."

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month and November 7th was Orphan Sunday so there has been a lot of emphasis and information on adoption in the media.  As part of this media coverage there has been a "sour" note in some of the coverage.  This "sour" note  is the idea that international adoption is "un-American" adoption option.   I would like to clean up these myths from my perspective.  However, before I get started I want to make one TRUTH clear--Neither international nor domestic adoption is right or wrong or better or worse.  It doesn't matter where an orphan comes from, if God calls you to meet a child's need in the form of adoption, then you have a responsibility to answer God's call...its not about being American.  Its about being a Christian.



Myth #1:  Adopting kids from the United States is the "American" thing to do.  Adopting internationally brings new "burdens" to the United States.



A reader's comment clipped from the
Joplin Globe online edition

      Right now the United States has many strong "anti-illegal immigration" beliefs and I think this often gets confused with adoption issues.  When a child is adopted from another country, that child's parents must seek permission for their child to enter the United States and become a citizen.  As part of gaining permission, the parents must prove the child was an orphan, prove the adoption is complete and show that they have the income to meet the child's needs without welfare and verify that no other child in their home is receiving welfare. 



    For Mr. Workman and I, adoption was not about nationality, it was about being called to adopt.  We tried domestic adoption and each time were told no.  We were told no on our first international attempt too, but God used all those "no's" to bring us to the child that He had for us.  We never considered what others would think of her nationality or race.  We loved her from the first picture and we knew we were supposed to bring her home. 

 

Myth #2:  Internationally adopted kids have less "problems" than kids available in the United States.



    Warning:  I'm about to be rudely blunt!  If you are looking for a child with less "problems" to adopt, then you need to be adopting a pet and not a kid.  All kids have "problems" no matter if adopted or by birth and it is the job of parents to help the child with the problems that they face as they grow.



    Now truthfully some childhood experiences of trauma, abuse, starvation, abandonment and neglect place scars on kids that only certain parents are ready to pray their way through.  No matter if adopting in the United States or internationally their are kids with all different backgrounds and families need to consider which backgrounds can be handled in their home.  Some kids should be an only child and others should be the youngest or other with a single mom, but these issues are not unique to a country.  These issues are unique to the child.



Myth #3:  International adoption has less requirements and less oversight than domestic adoptions.

    Each country has different amounts of oversight and different kinds of oversight.  Some might argue that the HIV, syphilis and TB tests that we had to have for Haiti is more oversight than the United States.  Others would think the fact we got to pick our social worker to be less oversight.  The bottom line is ALL adoptions have a home study by a licensed professional which will include proof of marriage, income, expenses, mental stability and explanation of the home environment. 

Myth #4:  International orphans are not "really" orphans...their parents just cannot afford them. 



   This is a newer myth that comes largely from international aid groups who are trying to use orphans as a reason to leverage large amounts of money from the UN and countries like the US.  One group recently suggested that it could empty orphanages by offering families cash to take the children home, and I suspect that they are correct.  Extended family members and strangers would show up to claim their cash and their orphan, but I cannot let my mind think what would happen to that child next.

   Adoptive families must be a part of making sure their child's family was offered humanitarian aid and resources to keep the child.  Plus the adoptive family needs to check that the story of how the child became an orphan is true.  Parents should get the opportunity to meet the remaining members of the child's family and others who have been a part of the child's life.

Myth #5:  People who adopt internationally are just "showing off" and trying to be "trendy". 

   Oh, Brad and Angelina, you have supposedly made international adoption "cool".  (Shaking my head)



    Warning: I'm about to be rudely blunt AGAIN! If you are looking for a child to make you "cool", then you need to be adopting a pet and not a kid AND you need to go all out on the pet.  You should buy a purse for it to be carried in, and a diamond studded collar is not out of the question...just stay away from kids.



So this month, I'll be sharing some adoption facts and figures in my blogs...some international and some domestic because I don't know what God is calling you to do.  If you have questions about adoption in general or about our family's adoption experiences, please feel free to email me.  I'll try to answer your questions or get someone who can answer, if your questions are not within my expertise.

God sent him to buy freedom for us who were

slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us

as his very own children.--Galatians 4:5 NLT

"After Mine Own Heart"



My first picture of David.  Someday he'll be
a grown man, but I'll still see this little boy.
I didn't even know his name and despite
knowing I shouldn't , I fell in love with this
little face that greeted me on my first visit
to the COTP web site. So I called Daddy to the
computer and we emailed COTP immediately.



Not long ago David asked me what his name meant. I reminded him about David in the Bible.  David said questioningly, "he killed some monsters and I get his name".  I reminded him, "Giants, not monsters" and  I explained to David that God had said Bible-David was a a man after His own heart.  (David, a typically 7 year old, said that sounded gross.)  I went on and explained it meant that Bible-David had a desire to love the same things that God loved.  David declared that his name was "cool", and he wanted to know if Bible-David ever killed any dinosaurs....oh, the theologically conversations that I could only have with a 7 year old boy!

 

On October 28th, I had a long day.  I left the house at 4:00am headed to St. Louis Children's Hospital for Jon's appointment.  Grace and David decided to come along since there was no school and they knew it would get them at least one restaurant meal.  The appointment and testing went slowly and we finally got home around 7pm...after 2 McD stops and one White Castle stop.  So at 7pm, the celebration of it being Hannah's 11th birthday got started.  After lots of celebrating, we started the bath line, put babies to bed and started the nightly routine.  

However, David in his usual quiet way, slipped up on my lap and said that "he wanted to say that prayer telling God that he loves Him and wants to live by His rules and be forgiven for his sins."  So we talked about what that prayer meant.  I asked him questions and he asked me some.  Finally, as David insisted that he was ready, we got Daddy to join us and David said his prayer.  He told us that he would tell the pastor on Sunday, but this was Thursday so we waited to see if he would be brave enough to go up and tell the pastor.

On Saturday David reminded us that he needed us to go to church the next day because he needed to tell the pastor and everyone about his prayer.  On Sunday as soon as he verified it was time, he took Daddy with him up to the front of the church to talk to the pastor!  ....Now Grace & Corrine were "saved" young and both waited a bit to be baptized so I figured David would wait too especially since he is very frightened of going under water...But he said he was ready to show people his decision by being baptized.  So on Sunday, my sweet little David was baptized.   

I've watched the Lord, reach out to David and answer his prayers in real ways so David would know God had heard him...I will always smile at David praying so earnestly for a baby brother (and I was trying to prepared David for a bigger kid since we had started Jon's adoption process) and rather suddenly we got Nate.  Then he started praying nightly for more baby brothers and God brought him more baby brothers!

Its my prayer that God will continue to reach out to David to help him and us as we try to disciple him in the truths of living a Christlike-life of obedience and service to God...Lord knows we are going to need LOTS of help...as I can hear the questions already..."Did Jesus kill any dinosaurs?"....Only our David. 

 the LORD hath sought him a man after his own heart, and

the LORD hath commanded him [to be] captain over his people,

because thou hast not kept [that]

which the LORD commanded thee.--I Samuel 13:14b

Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a

sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to

thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the

armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.--1 Samuel 17:45

(cooler than a dinosaur if you ask me...)

Nate & Jon

 

Daddy, Nate & US Senate Candidate Roy Blunt



Nate came home from the hospital on Tuesday and it has been a busy week since he got home due to frequent medications and breathing treatments.  Nate had some problems with a steroid that the doctor had prescribed at the hospital, but our pediatrician took him off that medication and he has been continuing to improve.  He had really good days yesterday and today.  Yesterday we had family pictures taken at the pumpkin patch at Manning Farm and Nate loved being outside with his Oxygen off.  In fact, Nate fought us about his Oxygen the rest of the evening. 

Then today was Nate's 2nd birthday! We took him to a meet and greet for Roy Blunt (running for US Senate) and Billy Long (running for US Congress). Then we took Nate (dressed as a frog) and all his brothers and sisters to a couple Trunk or Treats this evening.  We got  home and we were ready to do presents and cake, BUT Nate fell asleep!  So cake and presents will have to wait until tomorrow!  Right now Nate is curled up with daddy, asleep on my side of the bed and breathing so easy, which is such a relief after being so congested and sick.


Jon the giraffe


On Thursday, Jon had his final procedure and x-ray contrast study on his stomach.  He did very well during this last step which was painful.  So far he has needed some pain meds at night when we start the overnight continuous feeding, but during the day he has not had any pain.  He started hurting when we were taking pictures yesterday so I don't think there will be many pictures of Jon, except in group pictures that were taken before he started hurting.  Tonight most of the swelling was gone, and Jon (dressed as a giraffe) loved going Trunk or Treating AND LOVED eating his candy when we got home!

Relaxed weekend?

Our Weekend Away:

Nate had a rough week last week with his congestion getting worse, but Wednesday the doctor gave him an antibiotic shot and he started improving.  Therefore, reluctantly Mr. Workman and I decided to keep our plans to go to the Lake of the Ozarks for our weekend away.  Friday evening and Saturday morning we attended a conference.  Friday night we had an enjoyable dinner out.  Then Saturday afternoon we had drove to Windsor, Missouri to see a friend of mine from high school and to speak at a contemporary service at the church she attends. (See picture.)  It was great to see Amy and remember some fun times.  I remember a slumber party in about 8th or 9th grade where Amy created a whole new phobia for me by explaining that she practiced kissing so she would not be a "sloppy kisser" and others chimed in that they did too.  I had never been concerned about such thing, UNTIL then!  It is fun remembering the "crazy" stuff that concerned us girls!

Nate's "Bug":
Nate's cold "bug" stayed about the same while we were gone overnight, but Sunday morning his fever was difficult to get down, his heart rate was staying too high for too long and his oxygen saturation's started dropping.  When his breathing didn't improve after a nebulizer treatment, we headed to the ER in Springfield.  The chest xray when we got there showed pneumonia in both lungs so they admitted him to start IV antibiotics.  However, so far they have been unable to get an IV started so in the morning the doctor will assess and try again or consider a central line or a picc line.

I am so worried about Nate since it is so early in the year to already have a cold turn into pneumonia.  This could make for a long winter.  I'm trusting that my prayers and those of our friends can turn this around so that because it is so early in the year for pneumonia, then Nate has time for a full recovery before the toughest respiratory-winter months.

Slideshow Video

This is a slideshow that I use when public speaking about our family.  Please follow the link to see it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOeGnjlK32o

Feeling pushed...

It was a very busy week last week.  I tried to do a weeks worth of work before Wednesday.  Then Nate had surgery in Little Rock on Wednesday.  I had packed a mountain of projects, but forgot my laptop cord so my big plans for achievement got smaller!  (Plus the flu shot that I got on Tuesday, had me feeling a bit sickly too.)

Hannah got sick at school Thursday and said her head was hurting.  Thursday night Nate & I got home late and Nate had a very rough night.  So I started Friday at the pediatrician with Nate and Hannah.  Then Mr. Workman had debate all weekend so it was me with all the kids while Nate was needing lots of one-on-one care.  So I did what any realistic mom would do.....kept the sick ones medicated (David joined the sick group Saturday) and I ordered pizza, bribed the older ones to get them to help more, encouraged watching movies and let them play outside as much as they would.

Finally today I pulled ahead of the piles of work and sick kids.  I went grocery shopping this afternoon and made Creole beans & rice with chicken sauce.  Mr. Workman made two pumpkin pies per Hannah's request.  Then this evening I let the older kids make Carmel apples.  They seemed to really have fun making them.  This is the first year that I have been brave enough to let them dip their own apples so they thought they were big stuff.